"HIJAB” - MY IDENTITY ,MY PRIDE....

Almighty ALLAH has created this universe with a lot of natural beauties. When we look around we will observe that almost everything which is beautiful and precious has been kept in a natural cover. Diamonds can only be found deep in the ground, covered and protected. Pearls can be found down in the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Gold, covered over with layers and layers of rock. What message do we get from this sign of the nature? It teaches us to protect all our precious and beautiful in a cover so that they become hard to get, so that they cannot be spoiled by the outer filthiness.

Are women not beautiful creators of the universe? Are they not precious enough to be protected to avoid the outer filthiness? Yes they are, a man is a person who probably runs a family but it is a woman who actually creates a family. She is responsible for upbringing of a whole unit of the society, what will happen if she is not being protected? Certainly if a unit is spoiled, it will gradually spoil the whole society. That is the reason, Islam- which gives us the whole way of life, urged the women to be covered- that is, to be in Hijab.

The Hijab in Islam refers beyond just a head cover. It includes the necessity that women carry such apparel that cover the whole body, except for the face, hands and feet in front of any least one grown-up man who is other than her husband or close family members.  Muslim intellectuals believe that there is no any particular shape, style or color for Hijab. It must contain specific criteria which are mentioned above.  

The importance of hijab is proven in the Holy Quran as well: 

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty......And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what ordinarily appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms...." (Quran 24:30,31).                                                                                                       

"O Prophet, tell your wives and daughters and the believing women that they should cast their outer garments over their bodies (when abroad) so that they should be known and not molested" (Quran 33:59).

Currently we see in the society that the young females are obsessed by physical appearance like fashion, hairstyle, favorite music, or the most up-to-date gadget like iPad, popular culture celebrities. They blindly follow these trends and want to be like them; also they rely too much on the physical appearances for their identity. So, without relying too much in physical appearance or be a follower of celebrity, what is another way to define our identity?

One way is through the role of religion. I am a Muslim and Muslim is a term to define the follower of one of the major of religion, called Islam. Some teens might believe that following religious teaching hinder them from having ‘cool’ identity but in reality, one who is following the religious teachings is actually creating a separate identity for her.

According to Forever Families website, sponsored by School of Family Life at Brigham Young University, “when a girl focuses too much on her physical appearance, she places her self-esteem, emotional and physical health, academic achievement, and sexual safety on the chopping.”

A girl wearing Hijab will not focus on her physical appearance because she covers her hair and her body.  Hijab prevents her from sexual trend; therefore, self-esteem, emotional and physical health, academic achievement and sexual safety will become a priority

For Muslim women, Hijab is real identity and a true freedom which also shaped a humble and modest lifestyle that prevent us from the filthiness of the society. I am a proud Muslim girl who does not feel ashamed of using Hijab, instead, it is my identity and I am proud on it.

Effective Listening-First Step of Good Communication

Many of us think that communication is talking - and talk we do. We interrupt, advise, reassure, judge, analyze, criticize, argue, moralize, threaten, divert, diagnose, etc., etc. But, good communication requires good listening as well as talking. In fact, since we have two ears and only one mouth, listening just might be the more important skill. However, we receive almost no training in good listening and usually do not realize that really "hearing" someone is not a passive activity.

To be a good listener, we must, first, pay attention. The remainder of this article will focus on "attending" skills. The next article will discuss how to listen "actively" rather than passively.

When you are speaking and someone is not paying attention, how do you feel? Annoyed, frustrated, discounted, rejected, anxious or angry? Such feelings usually make communication more difficult. So how can we show someone who is speaking that we really are paying attention to them? We can do this both non verbally and verbally.

Research shows that about 85% of what we communicate is nonverbal. This includes our posture, physical movements, eye contact and our psychological presence. So, when someone is speaking to you, is your posture inclined toward the speaker, so as to invite and encourage expression? Or is your back turned or your arms or legs tightly crossed, which discourages and cuts off involvement? Are you fidgeting or otherwise distracting the speaker or yourself? Are you making good eye contact with the person? By looking at and observing the speaker, not only will the speaker feel "attended" to, you will learn more about what is really important to him or her. Finally, we cannot pretend to pay attention by employing these physical techniques without also being psychologically present. We can’t fake interest. The speaker will know if our hearts and minds are not really there.

Verbal ways of showing that we are paying attention include 1) an open invitation to talk, 2) using one or two words to encourage talking to continue, 3) asking open-ended questions and 4) knowing when to be silent. For example, "You look like something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?" describes a person’s body language followed by an open invitation to talk. It is important to silently allow the person time to decide whether to talk and what to talk about. If someone chooses not to accept the invitation, don’t try to force them. Back off and respect their privacy.

Brief responses to encourage continued talking include "mm-hmmm," "I see," "Oh?" "Right," "And?" "Go on," "Tell me more," etc. These don’t imply either agreement or disagreement. They simply mean "Yes, I hear you - please go on."

A good listener uses questions sparingly because questions tend to focus the conversation on the questioner’s perspective and concerns and can derail the focus of the speaker. Work on asking fewer questions, and when you do, ask "open-ended" questions. Compare "Did you call the police?" to "What did you do?" Or, "Do you feel anxious about the meeting tomorrow?" to "How do you feel about the meeting tomorrow?" An open-ended question is like an essay question which allows the speaker, rather than the questioner, to lead the conversation and clarify his or her own concerns. A closed question is like a true/false question and often suggests or narrows the agenda.

Finally, knowing when to be silent can be a powerful communication tool. Silence allows the speaker to become aware of his or her own feelings, to explore more deeply and to proceed at his or her own pace. Because many listeners become self-conscious with silence, they feel the need to "break" it by talking or asking questions. Unfortunately, this usually disrupts and derails the speaker. How can silence be handled? Pay attention to the body posture of the speaker and "listen" to what it says to you. Try to imagine what the speaker might be feeling, consider various ways that you might respond, and then choose the most helpful response.

Source: Robert Bolton, People Skills (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1979)